"...to ensure elimination of all acts of discrimination against women by persons, organizations or enterprises"
-text from Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW)
I'm tired. So, I'm going to vent...
I'm so tired of putting up with all this CRAP for being a woman. It seems the older I get the younger I'm treated. The more respect I feel I deserve, the less I receive.
I was just harassed (in the extreme) by a group of men. That's all I'll say but it was horrible and something with which I (and nearly every woman out there) am all too familiar.
WTF.
Due to the nature of the harassment I realize I can't talk about any of it here -- as it's work related. Let it be said that I spoke with the appropriate people at work and necessary steps have been made so that particular situation with those particular individuals won't happen again.
But, alas...it did happen and it made me feel 3 inches tall.
Why?!
I can't think of any eloquent verbage that I could use to weave some portrait of womanhood in a poetic way. I'm, quite literally, centimeters from tears. (Hahahahaha, I cry so much these days -- yuck)
We're told women were God's crowning creation. Really? Hmmmmmmmm.
I'm an American woman, a 'liberated' woman, and still what I face DAILY is ridiculous. Sorry guys but how many of you men are called 'sweet thang' when you pay for gas at 7/11? Yes, I know guys get honked at -- but I HATE BEING HONKED AT, cat called, whistled at, winked at, kissed at, grabbed etc etc etc etc. And, sorry again, but it just isn't quite the same when it's a woman doing that to a man -- consider body size and how it's related to strength and the ability to overpower.
Anyway.
I'm an American woman and I deal with this much crap.
My thoughts are IMMEDIATELY turned to my sisters in South Africa...the CRAP they put up with every day as well. The crap I got a taste of, in my own way. The only difference between us was I knew I didn't deserve it -- they don't know that. But, those faithful blog readers will know that when I stood up for myself or other ladies I, quite literally, put my life in danger (on one or two occasions).
Why?!
I'm so frustrated and hate the way I feel right now. Completely powerless. That's what harassment does -- takes away your power. Your power to dress nicely and wear your hair down and NOT be subjugated to cat calls when walking down the street. The power to be 'beautiful' and be taken SERIOUSLY. The power to be on the short side and be taken SERIOUSLY. The power to look young and be taken SERIOUSLY. THE POWER TO BE A WOMAN AND BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Honestly. It's crap.
Well...yes. Women's rights = human rights. RESPECT WOMEN. That is all.
***
Thanks for those who gave a shout out about the issues with school enrollments. I can't comment much, but there are steps being made to fix the issue (not too dramatic, but it's a start).
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7 comments:
Unacceptable. That’s all there is to it. Sorry to see you treated this way.
But your comments brought up images of the past . . . some I had forgotten.
The workplace has changed over the years. There were Playboy posters in various nooks and crannies at my first job after graduating from school. Yes, it was a machine shop, with attached offices, and the floor workers were hard drinking, hard playing . . . some just hard men all around.
Back then harassment in the workplace where a man would do the things you talked about was not dealt with very well, or timely, or severely. Over the years, at three separate employers, things got tougher and better. But not perfect. I was quite miffed when we (the whole plant) got to take ‘sexual harassment training’ when a particular director harassed his secretary – it just seemed that they should have dealt with the problem with pin-point accuracy (punishment?) instead of the shot-gun, ‘Gosh, it is a general problem’, solution. It wasn’t at the time. A particular director had a problem – not the rest of us. Same thing happened when another director had a drinking problem . . . but I’m digressing. Sorry.
Nowadays, at my work, the kinds of harassment you describe are grounds for immediate dismissal – and they do that. Short and sweet. Now I know the reason for that is largely because of the threat of lawsuits and retribution from the government on government contracts, but the fact that they say it is because they want a ‘workplace of respect’ helps a little (look, after this many years in the workforce I’ve gotten too cynical – forgive me if you can).
But, I find it disturbing that a nation that can condone sexual harassment at the Presidential level with pretty much nary a consequence can so easily bring the guillotine down on ordinary, admittedly ‘hard’ factory workers . . . but this is a commonly observed theme with me. If you have money, if you are beautiful, or famous, or . . . or . . . or . . . you can get away with an awfully lot.
Let me take one of your paragraphs and put some ‘perspective’ on it from my years in the workforce. Don’t take this the wrong way – what happened to you is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE!
Here is the paragraph:
“Your power to dress nicely and wear your hair down and NOT be subjugated to cat calls when walking down the street. The power to be 'beautiful' and be taken SERIOUSLY. The power to be on the short side and be taken SERIOUSLY. The power to look young and be taken SERIOUSLY. THE POWER TO BE A WOMAN AND BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
A. The first sentence, I cannot comment on. I don’t ‘cat call’, nor does anyone that I have ever associated with do that. My experience level is –zero-.
B. I have been subjected to a go-zillion ‘sales calls’ from vendors who invariably bring very attractive females to ‘dress up’ the sales call. They know what they are doing and so do I (I wonder about my associates however). Beauty sells. We have this Greek problem of confusing truth and beauty. Am I immune? No, I’m a man and these people know what they are doing. BUT, I too know what they are doing and I know enough about body language to know a real smile from a fake one (the eyes always have it). I sometimes wonder in the workforce whether a really beautiful woman has used her beauty in place of talent to climb to the top. Actually, I know of a few cases in my work experience where this was true. So sometimes, being beautiful is a problem. But you have real talent. Being beautiful is a real plus for you. So don’t let this get to you. Try not to let those you work for use that beauty to entice men like me in ‘sales’ situations – it is really not ethical. Its smart, but not ethical . . . because biology makes men susceptible unless they have nerves and minds of steel (and few do)
C. Ah, yes, height. The fact is that a greater proportion of CEOs and other high types are taller is no accident. Just as we confuse truth and beauty, we confuse height with leadership ability. We are fools. By the way, the same goes for a deep commanding voice. If you have a deep, commanding voice, and you are tall, you basically can ‘fake’ your way to the top every time (it appears to me). We all suffer for this in the workplace. Truly we do.
D. Looking young? Yes. I never had that problem. A good friend (a man) did and was not able to surmount this problem until he grew a mustache. That made him look older and yielded instant respect. Sorry, that option is not open to you ;-) Look, both men and women struggle with this problem. I don’t have a good solution other than to just do good and talented things. Not everyone is an idiot (forgive the term) and so they know talent when they see it.
Well, I’m sure this hasn’t been helpful. I shudder to think that you had to put your life on the line in Africa for this sort of thing. You certainly shouldn’t have to deal with it here.
Let me comment on my comment :-)
A key term here is 'heuristics'
We live in a ‘blink’ world where we are forced to size up people we meet in about 6 seconds. This was a survival advantage in the past. Now it often yields nonsense. In 6 seconds the average person’s heuristics go like this:
Ooh, she’s beautiful. ... There is truth there!
And she is tall . . = leadership ability
And she has a commanding voice = presidential material
But she is young . . . but she is beautiful . . . Hmmm
6 seconds are up! :-)
A major struggle in life is to learn to leave stupid and foolish heuristics behind. I’m still struggling . . . and 99.99999% of us are too.
But I will, some day, if it kills me, learn to apply smart, cogent, reasoned, heuristics . . .. Maybe ;-)
Thanks so much for this post. There are so many people (some women, even) who don't understand why (and how much) I HATE getting honked at, etc.
Just because you may be attracted to me doesn't mean I somehow have a diminished capacity to think!
So much to say and respond to...
Just this, though. Amen, amen, and amen to everything you wrote.
I totally feel your pain....At my last job I had to pick up the mail from the post office everyday. This particular post office was in a not so good area of town. Everyday I had to make judgement calls as to when I got out of my car to get the mail. On several occasions I would get whistled and they would show their disgusting puckered lips. Why? I don't understand this AT ALL. What the hell are they really doing.....Are they poking fun at me, or are they really, SERIOUSLY making a pass at me? Do they know what SCUM is? It's sad that women have to deal with this kind of bacteria in the world today. Getting that mail everyday made me very fearful. I seriously held my keys in my hand ready to slash just in case.
I am so sorry you were treated that way. Wish I could give you a hug right now.
Dani, I think you are amazing. Amazing for the fact that you are a woman and that you value that fact. Amazing because you are not afraid to stand up for yourself. Most importantly Amazing because you are willing to stand up for others who are either too afraid to stand up for themselves or don't know where to even begin to stand up for themselves.
Actually, scratch that first sentence, I don't just THINK you are amazing. But I KNOW you are amazing. Keep up your great work. You truly inspire me to be a better, more caring, more helpful, and more understanding person. I love you and the unbelievably beautiful person that you are, inside and out. ~SARA
UGH... Double, triple, quadruple UGH... I too have had to deal with this vile behavior on many, many occasions. In the work place, in the grocery store, at school, walking down the street, at the gym, you name the environment and it's happened. Seriously, don't ask me for examples... I'll be typing all night....
What I really want to know is... do the men that act this way really think we will positively respond to their animal-like behavior? Do they think we'll turn around and say in a sultry voice "Oh, hey there... I heard you whistle and call me a hot sexy babe... I was on my way into Walmart to buy diapers, but you wanna hook up instead?"
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... Yeah, in their dirty nasty dreams! I'll NEVER understand why men act this way.
Not only does this post address discrimination and harassment, but also the issue of the 'double standard' we face as women. If I turn around and negatively or offensively respond to the men that do this... I'm a nagging, over-reacting, lecturing bitch. Society seems to think this is acceptable and even NATURAL behavior for men... and therefore overlooks the problem. Just as Pawley said... in the workplace, sexual harassment is such a big issue now days, not because it's degrading, disrespectful, embarrassing and discriminatory... but, because employers think in terms of LIABLITY… they don't wanna fork out millions of dollars because some ‘bimbo’ filed a law suit. Simple as that.
In addition, just because we as women dress nicely and have pride in our appearance, doesn't mean we are seeking the attention of men. Can’t we experience self confidence and have respect for ourselves without being viewed by men as a sex object?
Oh, man... sorry about my hodgepodge of thoughts in this comment. I'd better just stop now... I think I might need some blood pressure medication... 'cause I'm boiling.
BTW... I do know there are some respectable men out there...
Just wanted to give a shout out to my dad, and my husband and my grandfather, and my uncle, and my brothers, and the other men of the world who treat women with respect. Thank you and amen. :-)
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