To clear my head, focus my thoughts and refuel I took a spontaneous vacation completely alone.
Am I running away? No need to worry about that, even if that was my intention troubles, apparently, are allowed to travel first-class beating me to my various destinations by several minutes, looming around the next corner, waiting.
I stayed with some friends in the District who are responsible adults who happen to work full-time during the week. This left me several days alone in a vibrant city (that I lived in before for those who didn't know) plush with culture, activity and other forms of mental stimulation.
What did I do with my time?
I walked. And walked and walked and walked. Having no way to measure my distances I can only say I walked for hours and hours on end. Just me, my tunes and my thoughts in a pulsating urban center.
I love the sense of being a piece of a puzzle. A mere part of a whole, not the center of anything, sometimes a leader, sometimes a follower. Alive. The knowledge of belonging to something bigger than myself (the human race) is exhilerating and comforting at the same time. I thrive off of anonymity and adore attention at the same time. Yes, strange.
Anyway.
I finally had the time to process the feelings and issues that I have successfully locked away in the corners of my mind. They reared their ugly teeth, brought me to my kneels (literally, in a Catholic church on M Street, pouring my heart out to a giant crucifix) and yet I stood back up. I kept walking.
This gave me more strength than I thought possible. I faced those demons. Are they gone? No. But, I've met them, and am on a first name basis with them. When they come back I will be able to identify them (oh! hello insecurity! nice to see you again. how are you today?) and deal with them and move on.
After 5 I had a lot of time to spend with friends from Weber, Peace Corps, and SUU. I met up with old roommates, old Amnesty buddies, South Africa survivors. It was nice to be surrounded by people who generously lent their support, patience and love. I am constantly being buoyed by the unexpected.
I was able to be 'artsy' attending live Jazz in the Sculpture Garden, RENT on BROADWAY (AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING), the Incorruptible (a community theater production in Silver Spring, MD) and of course I was able to see fantastic exhibits at several museums.
As I briefly indicated, I was able to see Rent in Broadway before it closes in September. What Rent means to me...well there aren't words for it. It's been my favorite music for seven years. It encapsulates my life right now. Seeing it live on BROADWAY...ressurected the artist in me! "Here goes, who knows?!"
Walked around Manhatten (over 110 blocks to be exact), enjoyed every second of that vibrant city that has had my heart since my first trip in 2000.
Unfortunately, I didn't even pull my camera out of my bag the whole time I was in DC. I swiped these next two pictures from my friends who took them...
Colby and I at the Jazz concert in the Sculpture Garden
Hannah and I (my roommate at SUU) after dinner
NO DAY BUT TODAY!
7 comments:
“Dad,” I said, him riding next to me in the old Ford truck as it wound up Daniel’s canyon toward Strawberry reservoir and a waiting surveying job. “Why do you always know what to do?” “I never know what to do . . . I’m always so uncertain, so weak,” I continued.
“Son,” he replied, “you don’t understand. I never know what to do. I’m just doing the best I can . . . bumbling along just like all the rest. If you think adults always know what to do, you have been sadly fooled. Everyone is in the same ‘boat’, everyone struggles to know what to do next.” “I am no different,” he finished.
And this was the man who knew all the answers, who had taken few missteps, and certainly none I knew of. So he was a ‘scared’ as I was, as ‘timid’, as ‘blind’ as me. How could that be? It still baffles me.
Yet, he looked to the future with hope and confidence. He had my Mom by his side in all his doings – a wise and steady counselor, and certainly, for love of her, motivation enough, even if all of us kids hadn’t compounded that. And he took his problems to The Lord and walked forward with faith. You do the same.
. . . Then, one day, one of your children will ask you: “Mom, why do you always know what to do?” ;-) and you will smile and remember the little story I have told here.
Hello Dani,
Welcome back from your vacation. I'm glad you took this time for yourself. I'm not sure your healing will take place any time soon but you're on the right track. I'm proud of you for trying.
Keep at it baby and the ugly monster won't win.
(i hope and pray that this process doesn't take too long.)
You have a winning spirit. My mom used to tell me (during the civil war) not to give up because my miracle is on the way. Maybe she was right because I'm hear today. I had reason to hope - you have even more reasons to hope, succeed and to move on to your future.
love you loads!
jestina
Jestina, Pawley - THANK YOU.
Hey Dani!
Email me @ melissajanae@yahoo.com
Love & Prayers,
Melissa
Dani! It was great seeing you. I'm glad you had a good trip. Congrats on the new job and everything!
Dani, Glad you had some time away to yourself. Congrats on the new job. I checked out the link on the sidebar... will you be in SLC or somewhere else?
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