the Braai

As my neighbor is having a one woman spiritual revival this morning and I cannot sleep due to its volume I thought it would be an opportune time to update my blog. :)

Last night Jason and I went to our first South African Braai in Kuruman (braai = BBQ). We were invited by a woman that I met for a few short minutes during one of my many doctor’s visits during the Malaria scare.

We were quite apprehensive about the whole ordeal as we have many other PCV friends who have themselves been invited to braais and felt either left out (because we don’t study Afrikaans) or been frustrated at having to defend black people the entire time. We honestly felt that as we were readying ourselves yesterday afternoon that we were gearing up for battle.

We could not have been more incorrect. Our hosts were amazing. They are a young married couple with two awesome children. They graciously spoke to us in English the entire time and over the span of the evening we discussed some of the most serious topics relating to racism in South Africa and injustice world wide.

The father spoke extensively of his love for Gandhi and how reading his book as a young child absolutely changed his mind about people. He spoke eloquently about how after reading Gandhi’s autobiography he started to look at people as individuals and stopped dividing them into “them” and “us” as he had been raised to do. This book so changed his life that he, when Mandela was freed from prison in 1991, was one of the military men chosen to guard him on his historic trip from Robben Island home. He spoke of sitting in the car with this amazing man and described his demeanor with such awe and respect it was incredible.

We spoke about the disease that is racism. They explained to us in great detail what it was like for them, non-racist whites, in South Africa. Candidly they said that they feel they really don’t belong anywhere. They have several ‘Tswana friends but there is still a barrier between them (something we completely understand). They are, obviously, Afrikaners and as such should be able to call the Afrikaner community their community but, in fact, he spoke in detail about being discriminated against by fellow white people. He described a day when he saw a good friend of his across a street. The walked over to greet him and extended his hand for a hand shake. His friend looked away and said,

“I will not shake that hand, it has shook the hand of too many black people. That hand is a black hand.”

He described walking away from his friend ashamed and deeply hurt. He said they are frequently ostracized from their groups of friends as they will defend the behavior of the ‘blacks’ at all times. Interestingly, they too felt the same apprehension about gathering with other white South Africans as we did!

We were able to explain openly our experience and discuss how difficult it is to live as a ‘white’ in the ‘black’ community and feel the weight of racism bare down on you all day, every day. And how difficult it was to come into town and the ‘white’ community and also not fit in because we live with the ‘blacks.’ They were the first people (aside form other PCVs) that we have met here that completely understood! They knew exactly what we meant when we described how exhausting it is knowing all your actions, if taken the wrong way, can be boiled down to being racist no matter how pure your intentions are. We discussed how the ‘black’ population cannot inherently be blamed for such delineations as they were taught them by the master of racism in this country – the white man.

It was truly one of the most profound experiences I have had since arriving in South Africa. I felt it necessary to record here and hope that everyone will read it. As I’ve defended before (but not actually seen with my own eyes…I’d only heard of it) not all white South Africans are racist. Well, they aren’t and they are truly amazing people for it.

We spent about 6 hours at their house last night talking and eating a LOT of meat. We took turns playing with their awesome children and their hamsters, which was fun. It was just a nice break from the stresses of life in South Africa – to be truly candid with South Africans….such a gift.

We also discussed American politics at some length. Unbelievably they discussed their dislike for America’s policies toward immigrants! The father said that he was also disappointed in South Africa’s treatment of immigrants and described the campaigns he has single handedly gone on to assist in the immigrant community in Kuruman. He (by himself!) has opened a center out of his office that serves to help (for free!) the refugees and immigrants who manage to make it to Kuruman. He helps them understand the legal documents they must fill out (as South Africa doesn’t really have a program built in to the infrastructure to help these people). He tutors them in basic English and Afrikaans. He is truly an angel! I became ecstatic and told him of my experiences working with refugees in Russia and the United States. I told him of my desire to practice immigration/asylum law in the U.S. and also serve as an advocate for those same people. Just unbelievable! He told us of the gifts these grateful families have given him (ornate Afghan robes etc) and joked about the looks he gets when he wears them!

We also discussed the plight of minorities in the United States, especially the Native Americans. I realized (again) that it shouldn’t be so easy for Americans to judge the Afrikaner community. Our history toward ‘blacks’ is disgusting as well. Our treatment of the Native Americans is also deplorable. The only difference is we are now the majority (but when slavery was first brought to the US we weren’t, just like here) and our most appalling acts of cruelty are buried further in our past – thus we don’t feel as responsible. Nevertheless, they still exist as a dark stain on American history. How can we forgive our ancestors if we cannot also learn to forgive the white South African community. (the last statement is more for myself than anyone)

We spoke in great detail about how he constantly tells people not to judge the American people because of the actions the government takes. He said he is constantly correcting people saying,

“The American house wife didn’t bomb Afghanistan. The businessperson in Kansas didn’t decide to invade Iraq. We should not blame them.”

What profoundly moving statements.

They opened their home to us and their family and declared at the end of the night that now we were family. I nearly cried! It was such a profound statement that pierced me so deeply. I have needed to feel included in South African culture like that for many, many months. I never thought I would be so welcomed into the home of a white South African family (nor that I’d want to be) but these people are truly unique. Thank God for them!

So, the point I’m trying to get at is more for myself than any reader of this blog: don’t judge!!! Remember that just because some people’s ‘diseases’ are more visible than others that in a sense, we are all ‘diseased’ in some way.

Ke a leboga Modimo, gape!!