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Greetings from South Africa! I certainly hope this 'blog' finds everyone healthy, happy and fully involved in this exciting (if not draining) Presidential election!

Things here have continued to be challenging and rewarding in ways we could never have expected. We are quickly closing in on our one year mark in country and are grateful for the experiences we've had thus far.

Early into our training as Peace Corps Volunteers in the Education program in South Africa we became aware of things about this particular program, and lifestyle that were quite different than what we'd signed up for Peace Corps to do. That is not to say that the work isn't noble or important, it's simply to say it wasn't exactly what we had in mind when we signed two years of our lives to the government :).

That being said we had made that commitment to the government, to our friends, family and selves and (perhaps most importantly) to the people of South Africa. So, we felt we needed to give this job the best of ourselves. This is what we set out to do when we packed up our gear and moved to the middle of the beautiful Kalahari Desert in the Northern Cape of South Africa to a tiny township called Batlharos.

With enthusiasm we greeted the challenges that presented themselves to us at our various schools and development center. However, the challenges we were faced with (while expected) quickly found ways to weaken our resolve and test our personal limits in ways we were not expecting.

The racial tension in South Africa is palpable. Peace Corps South Africa has the lowest integration rate of any Peace Corps station world wide. What does this mean? PC/SA has the largest numbers of Volunteers who do not feel that they belong in their villages. This is not to say that the people in the village are necessarily hostile. Instead it is true when I say that people are, generally, very un-trusting and suspicious of white faces walking the streets in the village.

The safety and security situation in South Africa is a very serious issue, in a rural village or in Jo'burg. It quickly wore both of us down to where we now turn around every ten seconds or so as we walk down the dirt paths of our village, looking for possible assailants. As other PCVs from our group began to experience similar experiences (muggings, assaults, etc) we simply became more paranoid.

Tragically, three months ago, a female PCV in our group was viciously sexually attacked by a member of her community whom she'd come to have a friendship with. This incident, coupled with the threats and violence I personally had experienced in my own village whenever I took to the 'streets' alone, made us pause to reflect.

In doing so we were forced to also confront the other issues we had been struggling with in our village. Namely the issue of feeling less than qualified to render the support these schools need. And, slightly overqualified for the work that was finally entrusted to us.

South Africa is an anomaly. It is one of the few countries of the world that has a first world aspect and a third world aspect within its borders. That being said, South Africa has a relatively new system in place that has set out to bring the rural communities up to the standard of the larger populated cities. Thus, the work that Peace Corps South Africa does in the schools and NGO programs is work that requires a vast amount of training. We are not simply teaching learners we are to be assisting in teaching policy development and overall functionality of schools.

After settling into our village we soon found that the schools to which we had been assigned, while having great aspirations for improvement on paper, could not match those aspirations with a drive to do something about them. This soon became incredibly frustrating.

Jason and I are not professionally trained educators. When accepted into Peace Corps we were told we'd be teaching English, when our assignment was given we thought we'd been given a 'promotion' of sorts and Peace Corps played it as such.

We did what we could with the information we'd been given, but could not seem to meet the needs of the schools with our abilities. And, more importantly, we could not instill in them a desire to improve. Furthermore, the information we did manage to pass on was never used, or implemented. Also, we noticed several South African organizations coming into the schools and themselves addressing the problems we had just attempted to solve.

Quickly we found ourselves without a place, and more or less, without a job to do.

Feeling my uselessness wearing me down my schools felt it necessary to delegate some sort of tasks to me. Soon I found myself typing papers, correcting exams and cleaning bookshelves. While useful, this was not at all what I'd planned to do during my Peace Corps experience.

We have been able to start a very successful computer class at the local development center. To date we have taught 160 educators and other adults how to use a computer. However, in a few weeks we will be replaced by a professional computer teacher who will take over the teaching of the classes permanently (this is GREAT because it's truly sustainable and giving a job to a South African). But, once again, we find ourselves without a job to perform and with ever increasing feelings of dissatisfaction.

We sat down and seriously considered what we were to do. We were generally unsatisfied and unhappy with our experience. We had been in our village almost 9 months and still felt like outsiders (this takes an overwhelming toll on a person, that I can't expect those who haven't lived in these villages to understand), our work was...well...not working or completely nonexistent. We found ourselves spending the majority of each day reading, or perusing the internet, which again sounds fantastic, until you've done it for 3 months straight. After hours and hours of serious, honest discussion we determined that our general thoughts and feelings about this experience had become scarily unhealthy (for example: constantly counting how many days we had left, considering ways to achieve medical separation from Peace Corps etc). To put it simply: we were miserable.

So, after unpacking all these emotions we then asked ourselves "now what do we do?"

We came up with a list of viable solutions that we could both be satisfied with. The list included setting another deadline (further down the road) at which time we would again reassess the situation - doing our best to make the best of it, or leaving the country.

The thought of leaving this country made both Jason and I very, very sad. We did not want to consider leaving our post half-way through. Besides, we don't WANT to go back to the States yet! We knew there was more for us to learn, more that we have to do before we do return to continue with our schooling.

So then what? We decided to push our reevaluation date back and hunker down to weather out the storm that had become our Peace Corps experience.

In the meantime we'd decided to just look into some other options that could become available if, down the road, we finally did decide Peace Corps South Africa really wasn't for us.

No sooner had we begun our search when answers began presenting themselves. Jason and I had merely sent out 'feeler' emails to several organizations I'd formerly been associated with when living in Moscow and others. Within days of sending our letters of enquiry with resumes we were approached with SEVERAL incredibly appealing offers.

I am a religious person and try not to make BIG decisions without consulting the "man upstairs" in fervent prayer. "Is this right? Are these our answers?"

Jason and I literally pondered and prayed on this question for a month straight. As the days progressed into weeks, weeks into a month we realized that it was. One month after receiving word of job openings for both of us in Russia we decided that this was where we were to spend the second year of our volunteer experience overseas.

This account has progressed into a short story and for that I apologize, but I want myself (and my reasons for departure from Africa) to be understood. Jason and I have not given up our ideals that a single person can make a significant difference. We have not given up on our desire to spend the rest of our lives advocating for the less fortunate. We have not changed focus or course in any way, shape or form. We have instead, refined our focus, decided to take jobs that will better match our skill set with organizations who are in need of what we have to offer.

Upon making this decision we both felt a magnificent weight lifted off our shoulders and I have spent the last few weeks happier than I've been in over a year.

Peace Corps in general and South Africa in specific have taught me things I could never have learned otherwise. I would not have traded my time here for anything. Deciding to leave Peace Corps and continue with my life has been a tremendously difficult decision which has also taught me a great deal about who I am, how I function and what makes me happiest (and for those who couldn't guess it's being BUSY BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!). I do not denounce Peace Corps in any way, nor do I denounce the other Volunteers who continue to serve and strive valiantly to make a difference in their respective villages. The Volunteers I have come in contact with have been the highest caliber of people and I am so very pleased to say that I was able to work with them. I am also glad that America has so many incredible young, medium and older people to claim as its citizens!

So what does this mean now? Jason and I will be leaving South Africa at the end of May and return to our parent's homes in Utah for the month of June (during which time I will FINALLY take my LSAT) at which point we will board a plane to Moscow, Russia! I will be working again with my favorite NGO 'Opora.' For those who don't know/remember, Opora is Russian for 'support' and it is a UNHCR backed NGO that assists nearly 7,000 refugees in various camps in and around Moscow. These refugees hail primarily from Afghanistan and Iraq but also from 22 various nations in Africa. The best experience/most rewarding work I have done in my life was when I worked with this organization in 2004. I feel that now, with a University degree and Peace Corps experience, I am even more qualified to give of myself to the betterment of this incredible group of people. Jason has secured work as a Project Director for the Moscow Bureau of Human Rights. This is exceptionally exciting. He will be able to use his beyond amazing Russian skills and assist a wonderful group of people as they advocate for the rights of Russians and minorities living in and around the greater Moscow area.

These jobs come with a great slue of perks, but due to length I will skip those (let's just say I get to travel a lot and we get a free apartment!).

We still plan on returning to the US to finish school in the summer of 2009...but in the meantime we are incredibly excited to embark on this next leg of our journey.

Thank you all for your love, concern, support and understanding. Keep fighting the good fight!